Casmin Bui Week 13: What's Your Love Language?

Last weekend while I was finishing up on the POAS quotes about Norman Rockwell, my 22 year old sister was working in my room when she asked me a thoughtful question: What is your love language? Now you would think that’s just a harmless question just to spark conversation, but it felt more than that. That POAS assignment got delayed by an hour just because of how interesting answering that question was, and hearing my sister who is 6 years older than me, I was intrigued about how much we differed from each other. 

Credits: SimplyPsychology

Out of the 5 common categories that love language falls under (acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation, gift giving, and physical touch), each person usually favors one out of the 5, and it can also differ when you’re receiving or giving love. For me, I love spending time with my friends and family, and I always want to make time for them even if it is to my own detriment (as you can see from my POAS quote). I also found that I give my love through physical touch. Not to make it seem weird, but I love giving warm hugs or nudging my friends every now and then. When I had this question sprung up on me, I hadn’t really thought about why I did all these things. But hearing my sister’s response made a lot more sense. To my surprise, she was the polar opposite. She hated physical touch ever since she was a kid, and honestly even getting a hug from her is really rare (I’ve only ever hugged her twice in my 16 years). But why is that?

Turns out that sibling dynamics really can tell us about ourselves. I never really believed the videos that claimed “if you’re the younger sister, that means you’re spoiled and more sociable,” because every household is different. Everyone was raised in different environments by different parents… except for your sibling. So why were we basically polar opposites? 

As a kid, I was usually the center of attention as snobby as it sounds. If I wanted a snack, if I wanted to go outside, whenever I wanted to go somewhere, my parents were already one foot out the door. Growing up with a mom who especially loves physical touch such as playfighting or hugging, I lived around an environment that expressed love through touch. That certainly wasn’t the case for my sister. By the time I had become conscious, the 6 years of attention and care that my sister had received was short lasted, and thus she found her own ways to interpret love: through quality time. Learning from her friends in high school, she found that love was expressed through deep conversations and one-on-one interactions. Even after I grew out of being a total brat, my parents have always kept a close eye on me. Whether that would be for the better or worse, having that sort of attention all my life made an impact that I didn’t even notice. It’s like that spotlight has never really faded away. I guess I never really noticed how different me and my sister grew up despite being in the same household. 

I want you to ask yourself how you like to receive love and give love. You might just learn something new about yourself or someone else. 

In the words of the TxT (Tomorrow x Together), what’s your love language?

Comments

  1. Atharv DuaMarch 15, 2026 at 12:34 AM

    For some reason, it’s always the random questions that we ask to spark conversation that end up taking a decent amount of time to answer, and those are the questions that I personally find to lead to really refreshing conversations. I, like you, like giving love through physical touch (as weird as that sounds:) but I like receiving love through quality time (I wouldn’t know why if you asked me, I just somehow know that I do), and my sister is also the polar opposite! I think the key difference, though, is that my sister is the younger child in my specific case: she still hates physical touch, but she definitely likes receiving and giving love through quality time. I completely agree with your point that generalizations about a certain type of sibling cannot be accurate because we’re all raised differently (as demonstrated by looking at my sister and yours). It’s interesting, though, that everyone has a different love language, since we might interpret it differently when someone gives us love in our own love language than in theirs: this is probably why the people we feel know us best are the ones who communicate to us in our love language, and thus we’re able to build stronger relationships with them. In your writing, I think your use of an anecdote to set up your blog and the comparisons that take place in it (essentially setting yourself up as an example) is an effective way of reflecting on family dynamics and love languages, and your use of rhetorical questions invites the reader to kind of explore the topic alongside you (if that makes any sense) since we’re sort of answering the questions together, but in different ways since we all have different familial experiences and love languages. Thank you for an awesome piece!

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  2. Jaycee SnelsonMarch 25, 2026 at 2:01 PM

    Hi Casmin! I always find the question “what’s your love language?” so interesting as it really tells you about a person and what they value. I thought that your point on having a different language for both giving and receiving love was intriguing. Whenever I hear about this topic I always thought that you had to choose one and that's what you value for both giving and receiving which never felt right to me. For me I love performing acts of service to those I love. Ironically, I find it really hard to let people do things for me back and usually prefer words of affirmation. I also love how you tied love languages into the psychology of birth order. I find it fascinating how different psychological observations tie back into one another and you explained that exceptionally well through your analysis of you and your sisters polar opposite love languages in comparison to birth order. Thank you for the intriguing question and great blog!

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  3. Acintya ShenoyMarch 25, 2026 at 9:44 PM

    First and foremost, I love the TXT reference! Second, as an only child, it was really interesting to read about your sibling dynamic with your sister—especially when you stated that you two have only hugged twice in your entire life. With my parents (and dog), hugs and kisses are dished out like Oprah dishing out cars. This makes me wonder: if I had a sibling, would my love language still be physical touch? Is my love language something I’m born with, or can it develop and change throughout my life? Can I pick up and drop love languages as I go? For me, I think my affinity for physical touch was contributed to by my parents, and my love for quality time was developed by the many escapades my friends and I have gone on over the years. In a way, each of the five love languages can be your love language, because when it’s given to you, you automatically know it comes from a place of love. To me, that’s enough—it doesn’t really matter if someone prefers to express their love in one way or another. At the same time, I can understand why people might like to stick to one love language over another, especially when that language becomes associated with them by the people they love. There’s a level of familiarity, and therefore comfort, in knowing what to expect when someone expresses their love for you. I wonder, are there more possible love languages?

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  4. Annie ZhuMay 3, 2026 at 3:25 PM

    Oh Casmin, what a hard question you ask. I feel like Luz from The Owl House right now because I can’t choose! Jaycee made a really good point about how our love languages can be different on the giving and receiving end. I’m not sure if this counts as a love language, but the way I express affection is by remembering things about other people: their allergies, their favorite shows, etc. This habit often funnels itself into gift giving, as I delight in seeing people’s faces when they open my presents, but I also apply it to everyday interactions like jokes or sending reels.
    What I can say for sure is that you are totally right about siblings having different love languages. I would also like to propose that while siblings may disagree on certain love languages (physical touch vs. quality time in your case) there will always be some uniting method of affection which they both appreciate. For instance, I like gift-giving, and my brother likes quality time. On the other hand, one thing both of us definitely agree on is that acts of service are overrated—unspoken affection doesn’t translate well for us. Do you think that there are any overlaps in your sister’s and your love languages?

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