Annie Zhu - Q3 Blog 10 - America is not feminist
I came across a video recently called “What You Should Know About Patriarchy,” narrated by writer Amy Allebest. Targeted to teenage girls, Allebest’s video describes various facets of modern womanhood which stem from patriarchy: vanity, people-pleasing, and romantic partners. Unsurprisingly, Allebest cited that one of the biggest regrets older women have about their young selves is caring too much about external opinions (in addition to obsession over appearance). Even though we live in a supposedly feminist world, most girls still go through the same problems as generations ago. Discussing this with me, my friend brought up how she used to pay attention to her appearance and became self-conscious after entering high school. Many women will spend hours in front of the mirror, checking themselves constantly throughout the day. This is not because they are conceited; I would assert that it comes from fear of imperfection. Acintya highlighted in her blog last week that women get criticized far more than men over the same mistakes, reduced to two-dimensional sex symbols or housewives. That young girls display obsessive tendencies early on is no surprise, as we have been conditioned from birth to evaluate ourselves through how much we appeal to the cis heterosexual male palate.
Women’s social behaviors reflect the patriarchy as well: frequent sorry’s even when it is not our fault, accepting when others talk over us in a conversation, laughing even if we do not find something funny. These are prevalent habits in people-pleasers and women especially. Suppressing our needs has been normalized by society–prided even. She has an eating disorder because it makes her feel disciplined; she acts as a therapist friend because that’s what her companions value.
And the indoctrination of romance, ugh!!! The idea that one person can somehow fulfill all of our needs in a relationship because “love trumps all” makes no sense. Having a partner to take care of and devote oneself to is great, but platonic friendships exist too. Sometimes, friends actually understand us even better than romantic partners, having been in our lives longer. Before you eat twelve grapes under the table for New Years, ask yourself whether you actually want a partner, or if you are just scared of being single.
The ideas I have discussed above are not new, but I hope that my blog will remind us of these pervasive issues. Simply being aware of female oppression is not enough; we need to address it. Down with the patriarchy!
Link to the video if you're interested: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2PAwi0y87o
credit: shutterstock
Hi Annie! This was an extremely powerful blog, but for the part where you mention “young women” I’d like to narrow that down to teenagers, because I feel that it is during that period, especially in the earlier teenage years when we’re getting used to growing up and are susceptible to peer pressure, that one sees numerous people-pleasing tendencies in oneself. Because of historic oppression and the spreading of it into family values in the 1900s, I definitely agree that this may have higher effects on women than men since they’ve been “conditioned since birth” to “appeal to the cis heterosexual male palate,” (although I haven’t seen a single one of the multiple people-pleasing tendencies you mentioned in you:). In your writing, I think your use of charged diction including “two-dimensional sex symbols,” “ugh!!” and “conditioned from birth” is extremely effective in exhibiting the problems that women face due to patriarchy, and your use of anecdotes from your friend highlighted the effects of said problems on an actual person, which makes the issue more concrete in the eyes of the reader. Thank you for an amazing piece!
ReplyDeleteHi Annie! Yes!! I love that you’re bringing this to attention. This reminds me of America’s speech in Barbie, where she states that the expectations for women are seemingly impossible to the extent that she watches herself and every woman tie themselves into knots just for people to like them.
ReplyDeleteTeenage girls especially in this day and age still commonly feel insecure about their physical appearance, which I think is partly due to the fact that social media has also had an increasing influence on teenagers in general. When girls scroll through “thirst traps” of women who are noticeably older, they find themselves trying to replicate what’s simulated in real life. But what they don’t notice is that it’s all online!! These images that may seem untouched can be heavily edited in reality. This sets such high expectations for young girls that have not fully developed yet to appeal not only to the cis heterosexual male palate that you mentioned, but also to the general public, because that’s what they are used to seeing. I agree with America in saying that the system of our society is truly rigged towards women.
The same goes with relationships. Teenagers in school are now getting into more relationships than in previous years because that is the expectation!! And once teens start seeing this trend in their schools, it starts to become normalized and expected out of them.
Very well said, Annie! Lovely blog :)
First of all, I love the reference to a blog post made by a specific someone last week 😋. Second, thank you so much for your commentary on the patriarchal expectation of feminine perfection! This extends not only to a woman’s physical appearance, but also to her behavior, emotions, life history, and belief systems. It becomes increasingly frustrating when you realize that the expectation of perfection correlates to the expectation that women “suck up” to mistreatment and magically balance patriarchal burdens with feminism. We see this all the time with working moms who are forced to take on full-time labor in the workforce as well as full-time domestic labor at home. Although criticism of this archetype is fairly prominent, it still remains an overwhelmingly large percentage of American women. Given the rise in female employment in the last few decades, you’d think that this would translate to women and men dividing up domestic labor since women would have less time to do all of it, but nope; it’s still common to find women who do all of both types of labor while their male partner is only employed outside of the home. While it is necessary to appreciate these working moms and recognize their efforts in paving the way for a better life for their daughters, it is vital that we don’t slip into romanticizing the difficulties and exhaustion they face in their lifetime. No, a woman simultaneously managing a corporate workplace and a five-person household is not empowering, it is dangerous signaling to all members of society that patriarchal gender roles can somehow coexist with feminist empowerment. Continuing to work full-time during pregnancy is not a boss move, it is exploitation and acts as pressure on other pregnant people to push themselves beyond their limits while their body is literally putting an entire human being together. As you point out, people-pleasing, especially the pleasing of male heads of households and corporate overlords, is a trait expected of women by the patriarchy. It’s time we toppled it.
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